Time Line Insight

November 10, 2013 — 2 Comments

Dr Kenny

In May I was asked to draw a time line of my spiritual life. The participants in Thomas Moore’s workshop at Kripalu gathered in small groups to discuss what we found drawing the timelines.  The brief discussion among 3 students was revealing and gave me much to ponder.  One of us had been drawn to church and attending mass by herself as a child, with no particular parental support for her daily devotion to Catholic ritual.  The other woman in my group had been influenced heavily by her environment and felt trapped without a known exit strategy.  My own timeline referred to my parents and briefly to church (because I only had to be a Sunday school student for a couple of years) but after the age of 16 had nothing to do with formal religion.  The exercise was quite challenging, finding the major spiritual events or pivotal points in the soul’s journey.

My studies in Sacred Contracts with Carolyn Myss also includes assignments to create archetype timelines.  I am finding this practice to be the most powerful of all the exercises I have ever used.  It seems we warp the past and forget much of what seems extraneous, storing symbols that represent the events or people rather than storing an accurate version of reality in the past.  I went to my elementary school a few months ago in the company of the people with whom I attended elementary school.  We reminded each other of the past, but we had different versions edited and stored in our vaults of  memory.  When we toured the auditorium I knew it was the scene of one of my first encounters with the rebel archetype.  On the occasion of my third polio shot I became violent with the nurse, principal and staff who were trying to inoculate me.  I curled up in a chair in the front row and used my feet to strike out at the adults.  I won the battle and did not get that shot. The school never informed my parents, so I was 3rd vaccination free until the oral type came out and we all took it again.  Victory was sweet, and I felt that I had vanquished a dangerous and vicious foe.  It was Valentine’s Day.  I returned to my classroom uninoculated in my little red and white dress. A rebel was born.

When I saw the auditorium  as an adult I found myself walking next to a classmate who has become a medical doctor.  I also found myself giving Dr. Kenny, who was extremely popular and cool as a kid, a very hard time about his decision to practice medicine.  I don’t dislike Kenny at all, but was completely involved in a highly displaced freak out over medical procedures I do not trust.  This rebel theme continues throughout my life with a special concern over medical professionals and everything they do.  Rational or not, my mistrust for all things allopathic has grown and I believe it has served me well.  What I have discovered by creating timelines to assist my memory is that these themes that started early in life have shaped our lives and decisions in profound ways.  Opposite my rebel archetype is the teacher archetype who wants to teach others healthy alternatives and self care.  Duality is inherent in looking into the past.  We are the actor, director, and the script writer of our own dramas.  Once we have edited the memory of events it is likely we have hidden our own shadow qualities from ourselves.  To make peace with past agreements and commitments gone sour it is necessary to find what part one played at the time.  Timelines are like story boards that illustrate the flow of events and emotions that created our past.  Our futures will be defined by our understanding of the past.  I think I am having a big breakthrough realizing that Kenny would never hurt me, and maybe I have vexed myself unnecessarily over fear of medical professionals giving me shots. I can probably stop striking out at the adults with my patent leather shoes.  Thanks, Dr. Kenny, for the fabulous Jungian analysis.  I feel much better now.